Maybe I eat too much cake!

Something occurred to me this evening as I reached into the snack cupboard again, maybe I do eat too much cake.

Maybe I eat too much full stop, my waist band says that's more than likely true. 

But whilst I’m watching the clock and I contemplate all the things I do or don't do, or could do better I realise something

Its 11.30 in the evening and I've just finished doing the hoovering. I've got to leave for work by 7 in the morning and still have to clean the bathroom and load the car with the children's bits to be dropped off with the children at mums before starting work

I’ve worked all day at the office today, I've cooked, fed, bath and read too the children. I've done 3 loads of washing, changed their beds and done a couple of hours ironing and whilst I'm tired I'm content

Hubby's away for a few days and sometimes it's tough to do it all but I think I've finally realised what I need to do occasionally is give myself a little pat on the back. I work bloody hard and I'm a dedicated mum who needs to not be so hard on myself.

Maybe my house is not as polished as it once was and maybe it really will seem like there's that bit of rice that I missed with the Hoover, but it’s those smudgy little nose prints on my shower that make me laugh or the toys hidden in my shoes that make life worth living

I love when my son and daughter hug, my son loves my happy tears and my buzzing heart (he insists it buzzes faster not beats when he does things). He's full affection and gentle teasing when he tells me he loves me 'small much'

I will always love him 'big much' and when he's a man (apparently that's 8 or 9) he's going to buy himself a lizard and me a crocodile (closest things to dinosaurs he says) as a pets and we're all going to live together forever

 My daughter, bless her, is the craziest 1 year old ever and so far it's looking like she'll wear my naughty step out before too long. Her wrestle him to the ground kisses and her beautiful face that spends so much time scrunched up into a cheesy grin melts my heart

So I will leave the cake alone or I'll at least try to cut it back but not because I'm not enough, or that I need to be better, or thinner but because I want to be here in my imperfect home, with my clutter filled cupboards (hubby's pet hate) forever. I want to always feel how I do tonight when I'm looking at their sleeping faces

And I will ease up on myself as should most of the mums I know, it's definitely not the easiest job in the world but it is, without doubt, the greatest!!!!!

Why

Why now, why blog..

It’s a strange reason but it got me thinking.

I'm about to move my treasured high heel collection into the loft to give us more space.  It’s still an accessible space but it’s the final bit of me moving to make way for the children. 

It’s not that I mind but I look at them and they symbolise just how much me and my life have changed over the last 3 years.

It’s true that I've gained a contentment that I never had before but I do miss my 'glamorous' much slimmer and more confident self.

And so this led me to the thought that maybe I could find a way to still be mum but to be me too.  Creating a space where I was allowed shallow, bad tempered moments.  A place where holding my tongue was unnecessary and finally that saying I miss a part of my old life would not in any way mean that my wonderful children meant any less too me.

So here it is, whether I'm laughing or crying this is my space to say and share the best and worst of thoughts and words that are running through my mind.